Potty Training and Getting to School on Time

**This is the letter I wrote to the Baboo's teacher today explaining why we were late today. Potty training is a group effort between the Baboo, his parents, his Nani, and his wonderful Montessori Guide, Amanda. Today was the Baboo's first diaperless day at school.**

Hi Amanda,

Good news - Some time after his nap, [the Baboo] told my mom "poop!" at which point she rushed him over to the potty and he did his thing. He napped with his diaper on, and he's had it on part of the day, but used the toilet for urination when he was put there.

I did not get to tell you the full story of why we were late this morning.

the first urination -- sitting on the potty, but he held his penis like a water hose and got pee all over the floors & walls. He doesn't usually do that, I don't know why he did it. Just curious, I think. Even after he put it under the cup attachment, he wanted to hold on to it.

the b.m. -- after his fountain experience, I left him to do a bowel movement because I didn't want him messing his underwear on his very first diaperless day in school. I thought that would be embarrassing for him and would set him back. But we were running out of time, so eventually I had to take him off the potty so we wouldn't be late...

which is when he peed the second time! and then I had to clean him up, change his socks, underwear and pants, and then I put him back on the potty because I thought he might do a b.m. (since he clearly wasn't finished the first time). He didn't do anything, so I brought him in.

So apologies for bringing him late, I was making some tough calls this morning and trying to do the right thing.

Being a Pain in the Neck Patient

Okay, I will confess. We are delaying the Baboo's next round of vaccinations until he is past the two year mark, and the unstated rationale is... the possible link between vaccinations and autism. I could not forego the vaccinations completely; I think that is completely selfish and irresponsible. Not only does skipping the vaccine endanger your child, it endangers all the children in your community. But I have no ethical qualms about postponing the shots and giving the Baboo as much time as possible to develop so that he can heal himself against a potential vaccine injury.

Which is why it annoyed me that his doctor, who KNOWS we are postponing the vaccinations till next year and KNOWS that I did not give him the rotavirus vaccine last year (it's optional, but most doctors push it hard) and that no one in my family gets flu shots - because I don't believe in their efficacy - started pushing me towards a flu shot this year.

I gave in. Why I don't know. Fear that a little flu + his nascent asthma might yield big bad consequences. And since I've previously asked that Baboo's immunizations be preservative free, and I made a big deal about it at the time, I didn't think to ask again.

Boy am I glad that I'm a whiny person! I was telling the nurse how I gave in this time, but that we're waiting on the rest, and she noticed that his Dr. didn't write a script for a preservative free shot. They were going to inject my Baboo with thimerosal! I just about stopped breathing. Do I need to start ordering these shots myself???? Jeez.

Lesson - you can't be too careful or too much of a pain in the neck to your doctor.

Baby Sleep Book

Having read Ferber, Sears, and everyone in between, I have decided to publish and market my very own How-to-get-your-kid-to-sleep book. I envision that it will be between 500-1000 pages, hardback.

The pages will be blank. When you want your kid to sleep, you thwack them on the head and knock them unconscious. 100% effective in less than 1 minute! No cry-it-out, just lights out. The end.

Just kidding ya'll. I'm just delirious from not sleeping. People who hit kids are going to hell.

There's nothing wrong with having just one child.

I'm just sayin'.

Falling Behind

Okay so I keep up with the news, with parenting trends, with my friends (sometimes), with local stuff in town (though I can never attend), but I cannot keep up with technology.

Itunes is not my friend. I've had a shuffle now for almost a month with nothing on it. I've killed my laptop battery. I do not safely eject flash drives, I just yank them out. We can't figure out how to disconnect the alarm in the new house, so it beeps randomly at midnight, 6 am, and we have to get up and turn manually stop it.

My uncle (almost 70) asked me the other day what I thought of the new Microsoft OS. I had no response. So, I'd heard of it (because like I said, I keep up with business news) but never seen it. Now he thinks I'm a Luddite too! I've bought several domain names but couldn't figure out how to develop them, much less host them, much less do anything else with them. This blog is all I have *sniff*

Case in point: I was out of the office for a while, and my secretary forwarded my phone to my cell, which I had forgotten to do. I stopped into the Austin office of my firm, and called into check my voice mail. As I am doing this, my cell phone rings and it's an unidentified Austin number. I can't handle two phones at once, so after a moment of deliberation, I hung up on my voicemail. Apparently I didn't move fast enough, and I missed the call on my cell. So I called the number back and, at the same time, my office phone started ringing. Argh.

I picked up the office phone while my cell phone was still connecting to the unidentified number, and guess what? I was talking to myself. I hadn't called my voicemail box, I had called my office phone, which routed to my cell phone. I had hung up on myself and called myself back. Confused? So was I.

It's not easy being green

Last night I was going to detail some of the things we are doing in our new home to save energy and benefit the environment, and then I looked around and realized it was close to midnight and all the lights were on. So I turned off the lights, went to bed, and now I've forgotten how I was going to start.

So anyway I bought a few things from solutions.com last night for the house. You may have seen their pages in skymall magazine. These are a few of the things I bought - Each one of these items takes care of a pet peeve of mine.

#82938 HAND FREE PLATE (S/8) $7.99 (half open cans of coke all over the place after a party because no one knows which can belongs to who)

#81492 SOLAR BUGWACKER (S/4) $79.95 (why did God create mosquitos anyway?)

#62641 CHEMFREE BOWL CLEANER 2/$15.90 (no more blue toilet water - it looks and smells toxic)

#5202 BUHACH INSECT POWDER $12.00 (made from flowers and kills bugs. Dead. I really hate bugs. More than abandoned coke cans after a party.)

#61078 SPOT GONE $7.25 (a nontoxic stain and spot remover. We've only owned this house ONE WEEK. We've barely unpacked. The Baboo was in the new house ONE DAY. He found a crayon (I have no idea where it came from) and colored on the carpet. With a crayon.

Why I am a Bad Person, Part 1

If I could fix just one parenting issue with a magic wand, it would be to get the Baboo to sleep through the night.

If I could fix one more parenting issue with a magic wand, it would be to get the Baboo to eat proper meals at regular intervals. I thought I had it bad, until...

Another Mom was telling me that on many days her child just wouldn't eat OR drink milk all day. I found this hard to believe, until she told me the next part: at the end of the day, she sits her child next to the stove, tells her that it's hot and that she's going to burn her unless she eats. It was clear she was doing this out of sheer desperation.

My first thought: I am SUCH a better mother than you. I would never do that to my Baboo!

And then I felt like a bad person for being so proud of feeling better than her.

My second thought: Really? Even if he hadn't had anything to eat or drink all day and he was hungry and cranky and I knew that just a bottle of milk would make him his happy self again? Would I ever do something that crazy/desperate? I hope not. But... who knows?

And then I felt like a really bad person.

Captain's log, Mother's Day Eve, 2008. He walked.

He's been taking a few steps between chairs... then he started walking to whomever he wanted to pick him up, usually breaking out into a run and falling, but today he got into this positive feedback loop of not falling, which built his confidence, which made him practice more, which made fall less, and you get the idea.

Yay! I have to go buy him some shoes now...

or maybe not. Barefooters Unite!

The Inverse Power of Praise

This article in New York Magazine called "The Inverse Power of Praise" should be required reading for parents and teachers. A group of studies found that students who are praised for being intelligent tend to quit whenever things get tough, whereas students who are praised for their effort become more persistent when faced with difficult challenges.

At first it seems like a small difference, to say "You really worked hard at this!" vs. "You're so smart!" but the effects of praising a child's intelligence and pegging him as a "smart kid" actually holds him back from acheiving his true potential.

As an aside, why don't we focus on well-rounded, emotionally and physically healthy kids? Grades are not the beginning and the end of a child's world and self-worth. Well-rounded to South Asian parents means that your child is the spelling bee champion, science fair winner AND a math whiz. Sports and scouting are of limited value, and even a negative value to given to drama, music, art, and various after-school clubs. In our South Asian community, the problem is just as pronounced, if not worse, than in others. Desi parents want their children to be brainiacs. They expect (demand?) that their child a star student.

We all want our children to feel well, to be well, and to do well in life. We spend alot of time participating in their education, choosing the school, providing the right structure at home, encouraging htem to seek out new and different opportunities, because we want them to succeed at whatever it is they want to do in life. But by praising them as gifted, as super-smart, above their peers, A+, etc., we are setting them up for an eventual crisis in confidence and lack of stick-to-it-tiveness that is really the measure of one's character.

Milestones part 1

I realized I better start writing this down before I forget completely

Rolled over/sat up - 5 months (I think... I really can't remember.)

Army crawled on this tummy - 8 months

Crawled like a "normal" baby - 11 months

Said hot, up, mama, bacaca (broccoli), PUCKABOO- started at 11 months, continued for about 90 days straight

Asks for Coco - every day starting at about 12 months

Said "Papa" when I pointed to Muslim Dad - April 12

Bear crawled - 13 months

Took a few steps at random - 14 months

By 14 months, he has added to his vocabulary: park, car, down, vakoooom, batoooom, corn, mamoo, oma(r), bath, abar (as in Allahu Akbar), and go

Book Review - Baby 411

In contrast to my earlier review of "What to Expect When You're Expecting", I can't find enough praise for "Baby 411." This book is like having an experienced mom willing to share her secrets and frankly discussing the good, the bad, and the ugly.

For example, lately (like since the Baboo was 3 months old till now) I've been reading everything I can get my hands on relating to How to Get Baby to Sleep. There's 5 methods and most articles objectively present the advantages and disadvantages of each method, leaving it to you, the parent, to figure out which is best for your child.

I guess this is a reasonable approach, but... come on, I've never done this before, and now I'm being asked to choose among 5 doctor-approved methods, all of which are proven to work. Baby 411 condenses the baby sleep information into one chart and then -and this is key - tells you which one to choose. At last. Simple directions.

I think embracing this book is a turning point in my attitude towards parenting: I don't need to be perfect. I don't need to do all the research, ask friends and other parents for advice, check my internet sources, and then implement the correct most up-to-date organic no lead no plastic no TV educational developmentally superior environment for my child. Sure I would if I had unlimited time and energy. But I don't. I just want some sleep.

Of course if that was really true, I would stop reading all these parenting books. But we both know that isn't going to happen.

Book Review - The Boston Childrens' Hospital Guide to Your Child's Growth and Development

We learned to parent "by the book." This drives Muslim Mom's mom (Muslim Nani?) crazy. Muslim Nani tolerates parenting books, but trusts her instincts. Eventually, you'll find the "right" balance of information from books vs. tried and true advice from experienced family members. From time to time I'll post reviews of books and other written material that we've found helpful.

The Boston Childrens' Hospital Guide to Your Child's Growth and Development was our Bible for the first few months of the Baboo's life. The super long name is the only impractical thing about this book; other than that, it is the owner's manual for your new baby. It assumes you know nothing about children (which was definitely the case for us). The chapters are concise and tell you just what you need to know. There's none of the alarmism of the "What to Expect" series - it's just a friendly reference, an owner's manual if you will.

At a time when everything is new, it helps to be on the same page (literally) as your spouse, so that you don't waste time figuring out day-to-day activities. Don't know what a onesie is? No problem, there's a picture. Don't know how to burp a baby - there's diagrams! Easy to read, with a great index and a CPR page that we've bookmarked... just in case. This book has it all.