The Inverse Power of Praise

This article in New York Magazine called "The Inverse Power of Praise" should be required reading for parents and teachers. A group of studies found that students who are praised for being intelligent tend to quit whenever things get tough, whereas students who are praised for their effort become more persistent when faced with difficult challenges.

At first it seems like a small difference, to say "You really worked hard at this!" vs. "You're so smart!" but the effects of praising a child's intelligence and pegging him as a "smart kid" actually holds him back from acheiving his true potential.

As an aside, why don't we focus on well-rounded, emotionally and physically healthy kids? Grades are not the beginning and the end of a child's world and self-worth. Well-rounded to South Asian parents means that your child is the spelling bee champion, science fair winner AND a math whiz. Sports and scouting are of limited value, and even a negative value to given to drama, music, art, and various after-school clubs. In our South Asian community, the problem is just as pronounced, if not worse, than in others. Desi parents want their children to be brainiacs. They expect (demand?) that their child a star student.

We all want our children to feel well, to be well, and to do well in life. We spend alot of time participating in their education, choosing the school, providing the right structure at home, encouraging htem to seek out new and different opportunities, because we want them to succeed at whatever it is they want to do in life. But by praising them as gifted, as super-smart, above their peers, A+, etc., we are setting them up for an eventual crisis in confidence and lack of stick-to-it-tiveness that is really the measure of one's character.