Mom's Groups

Since most of us are not living in the proverbial village that is supposed to be helping us raise our children, the internet is a great resource for referrals, tips, tricks, and generally finding out about "best practices" for raising kids. In every major metropolitan city, moms have gotten together and formed their own online communities.

Here in Washington, dcurbanmoms.com hosts bulleting boards on everything from travel tips to pediatrician recommendations to discussions on nanny benefit plans. We found our OBGYN through dcurbanmoms.com, and also our first (and last -but that's another post) nanny.

Look up the "moms" site where you live. In addition to candid information about doctors, schools, and local parenting activities to seek out / stay away from, it's a great place to find out what kids in your area are doing and arrange playdates.

Alien in the Locker Room

So we watched Aliens in America at the cw's website (we don't really have a TV to speak of, but that's a different post altogether). It's a great show - funny, doesn't make you think too hard, promotes a message of tolerance, yadda, yadda, yadda. It's America's wry and snarky answer to the cheesefest that is Little Mosque on the Prarie. If you thought Yasser's wife pinching his butt in the mosque was risque, just wait till you see what the bullies at Medora High do when Raja expresses his sincere love for his new best friend, Justin.

Aside from the glaring errors now and then --Raja? a Pakistani muslim named Raja? Who walks around butt nekkid in the boys' locker room at school?-- it's as enjoyable as Everybody Hates Chris. It's no Gilmore Girls or South Park (are you getting a clue why we don't have a TV anymore) but its definitely on my Monday night viewing schedule for the next few weeks. Actually, it's not - we can watch online anytime!!

Book Review - Baby 411

In contrast to my earlier review of "What to Expect When You're Expecting," I can't find enough praise for "Baby 411." This book is like having an experienced mom willing to share her secrets and frankly discussing the good, the bad, and the ugly.




For example, lately (like since the Baboo was 3 months old till now) I've been reading everything I can get my hands on relating to How to Get Baby to Sleep. There's 5 methods and most articles objectively present the advantages and disadvantages of each method, leaving it to you, the parent, to figure out which is best for your child.




I guess this is a reasonable approach, but... come on, I've never done this before, and now I'm being asked to choose among 5 doctor-approved methods, all of which are proven to work. Baby 411 condenses the information into one chart and then tells you which one to choose. I think my acceptance of this book is a turning point in my attitude towards parenting: I don't need to be perfect. I don't need to do all the research, ask friends and other parents for advice, check my internet sources, and then implement the correct most up-to-date organic no lead no plastic no TV educational developmentally superior environment for my child. Sure I would if I had unlimited time and energy. But I don't. I just want some sleep.

How not to Throw Up

This is part of a special series devoted to the pregnant and unprepared.

(1) Press the inside of your wrist. There is a pressure point known to give relief 2 inches above (away from your hand) the crease on the inner aspect of the wrist. Seabands look dorky and don't work as well as your own thumbs (which never get lost).

(2) Ginger. I recommend smelling it (cut a fresh root) or drinking it (tea), not eating it, though I suppose any of the above might work. Also, Badger makes a high quality lip and body balm that you can apply right under your nose. This is now available at some drugstores, and definitely at Whole Foods or drugstore.com.

(3) Jolly ranchers. Preggie pops are just overpriced oversized oversweet jolly ranchers. Stick with the original.

(4) Eat fruit and drink water. It just goes down easy. There will be plenty of time for meat in the later trimesters.

(5) Get your vitamins from nutrition bars or childrens chewable vitamins (a few stores have chewable vitamins without gelatin, for example, Trader Joes's brand chewables). This way you can avoid the enormous prenatal pills, which are really gag-inducing after a point.

(6) Deep breaths. Use in combination with the pressure points.

Got a favorite remedy? Please add in the comments section!

Essential Baby Gear

There are a few items that friends have recommended to me that are just lifesavers. Also, my friends tend to do alot of research before buying baby gear, so I get to piggyback off their work. Now you can too. Here are a few of their (and my) favorite things for Year One.

Graco (or Baby Trend) Snap'n'Go - it's much lighter than the all-in-one travel systems. Not to mention way cheaper. You'll have to get a front-facing one when baby gets older.

Graco car seat - adorn the inside handle with stickers from the pediatrician's office. You will thank yourself later. Don't forget your take-along tether (see post of September 2007).

Graco Bassinet - like the one pictured, but get the one with an underneath storage basket.

Boppy with Cover

Baby Bjorn, along with a bib to keep the carrier dry and clean under baby's chin.

Baby's Bliss Grip Water (Very important!!)

Baby nail clippers and file - and don't forget to check baby's nails when you get home from the hospital.

Fisher Price Kick'n'Play Infant Seat

Medela Pump in Style - take it to the hospital with you, just in case.

Fisher Price Healthy Care booster seat - you won't need this till later, when he can sit on his own, but it's a great spacesaver, easy to take to restaurants, and eliminates the need for a highchair. Also, it teaches kids to sit still when they are eating (I hope!).

Gerber 100% cotton footed pajamas. They come in three-packs at Target and your kid will live in these for the first three months.

Munchkin bottle rack, bottle brush, dishwasher basket, formula travel container

An exersaucer and an automatic swing are also items to consider.

Also, it's definitely not essential, but the Kiddopotamus snuzzler for the car seat would be a good idea if your newborn will spend alot of time in his or her car seat.

Order the biggest box of Size N diapers from Amazon - it's a great price and ships for free!

Repeat for bigger sizes as baby grows. Have at least 100 Size N diapers ready when you come home from the hospital. That'll last you about 2 weeks if you're lucky.

It can crawl!

Last Friday the Baboo went mobile. He just started his 8th month, so he's within the normal range. I suspect he's had the ability for some time, the trick was finding the motivation. Sippy cup, toys, bottle, nothing we placed in front of him gave him the desire to propel forward.

But last Friday we found his weakness: dixie cups!

Eczema (an article dedicated to all the itchy babies out there)

For those of you fortunate enough to have eluded this prevalent disease, eczema is a skin condition commonly known as the “itch that rashes”. It’s itchy, it’s painful, it’s stubborn, and it’s ugly. Once your pediatrician or family doctor has diagnosed your child with eczema, it’s important to know what steps to take in order to alleviate your child’s suffering.

First
1) Use perfume-free, dye-free detergents and soaps on your child’s clothing, bedding, and skin.

2) Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize! I like to tell moms that the child should be slippery and glistening because there’s so much moisturizer on their skin. I know parents think it’s gross and unattractive for their child to be greasy, but if your first priority is the child’s comfort, make sure they’re moisturized well. Since lotions are frequently alcohol or water based they evaporate from the skin quickly; try to use creams or better yet, petroleum jelly products when possible. I know parents that have even used Crisco!

3) Bathe them. Some of you who might have been told to avoid daily baths in order to further prevent drying out the skin. The truth is that bathing in lukewarm water for a brief period (less than 5 minutes) helps remove offending agents and introduces moisture to aggravated skin. Applying moisturizers immediately after bathing while the child is still wet helps to seal in some of the moisture.

4) Avoid wool and synthetic materials. Cotton is best for these children.


Second
1) If basic measures such as avoiding offending agents and applying moisturizer do not work, then your physician will likely prescribe a steroid cream/lotion/or ointment. Know that not all steroids are the same- even the same name will have a different potency depending on whether or not it is a lotion (least potent), a cream (medium potency), or an ointment (highest potency). Do not exceed the recommended duration of application because steroids can thin and discolor the skin and can be absorbed in the bloodstream. Also, steroids should be used on the face sparingly.

2) Food allergies are becoming increasingly linked to eczema. Should you suspect that your child’s flare-ups are tied to introduction of certain foods, talk to your physician about allergy testing (if your child is old enough) or simply food avoidance.

3) Sometime eczema is resistant to the therapies listed above, because the skin is infected, usually with a common bacteria like Staphylococcus aureus. If the lesions appear “wet”, meaning weeping and oozing with excessive redness or pustules, the skin may be infected. In this case, either topical or oral antibiotics may be used to clear the infection. Unfortunately, it is the case that some children are colonized with these bacteria, making their skin even more prone to infection. In such cases, some physicians will recommend bleach baths. DO NOT DO THIS WITHOUT CLEAR INSTRUCTIONS FROM YOUR PHYSICIAN!

4) Immunomodulators are among the newest therapies for eczema. Known on the market as Elidel and Protopic, these drugs effectively treat eczema without the use of steroids. However, because they suppress certain parts of the immune system, the FDA is concerned about an increased risk to lymphoma and has therefore issued a “black-box warning”. As with all drugs, use these drugs judiciously and only when necessary.

5) UV light therapy is also recommended by a few dermatologists. It’s expensive and used only on older patients with more resistant forms of eczema.

If you find you’ve hit a roadblock with your pediatrician, consider consulting a pediatric dermatologist or allergist. Be persistent and patient and you will help your child.

Write a Will!!

If you have a kid -- you need to write a will.

The chances that something will happen to you are tiny, small, remote. But the consequences for your child are ENORMOUS if you do not have a will. Yes, you're young and you don't think about these things (or you don't like to...) but wouldn't you rather decide who would be your child's guardian rather than leave it to the state?

The Baboo is 8 months old and we're finally getting around to this really important matter. I bought Quicken's "Willmaker" software from nolo.com and it took less than 20 minutes to go through the prompts. So now I have an unsigned will saved as a word document. Thanks to the software, it's valid under Texas law, and now I just have to figure out how to Islamicize it. In the meantime, though, I am going to print it out and sign it. Better to have an imperfect will than no will at all.

When I figure out how to Islamicize it, I'll update this post and let you know what we decided to do.

Halal Baby Food

Update - this post only covers sources for halal baby food, not organic halal, which is not currently available in the US.

Before you introduce your child to meat, it is relatively easy to feed him or her cereal, vegetables and fruit, so halal becomes an issue when they are around 7 months of age. Gerber makes a great selection of veggies and fruits in handy reusable (though I don't know if Gerber intended them to be resuable) plastic cups with lids.

Once your child is ready for meat, there are three potential sources for halal baby food, and each is more expensive than the last. Don't delay feeding your child meat without consulting a pediatrician to make sure his nutritional needs (especially with respect to iron and protein) are being met.

(1) The cheapest and safest way to feed your child halal is to make it yourself. Very few butchers sell organic halal meat. You can enter organic as a keyword at zabihah.com for a list of grocers. Organic kosher meat is easier to come by. If you don't choose organic meat, avoid cold cuts, hot dogs, and other meats high in nitrates. Boil, mash well, and mix with mashed rice or other vegetables.

(2) Nature's Noor - this Detroit based company is defunct. Online references are out of date.

(3) Mumtaz - Not organic, but halal. "For Mums who care." This UK based company is selling their products in the UK at many Boots locations, and we also found it for sale in Lahore, Pakistan. They offer two lamb and two chicken meals. Twelve pounds buys twelve assorted jars (veg and non-veg), but assuming you only want non-veg, then for ten pounds you can buy twelve jars of one meat flavor. They are finalizing distributions agreements in the US and Canada. I'll report more once it becomes available on this side of the pond. Visit their website here.

(4) Petit Gems - Not organic, but halal. This company is also based in the UK, but they didn't answer their phone when I called. Read more about them at their website.

If you choose organic, not-halal meat, then try Earth's Best brand. It's available at grocery stores and in bulk at Babies R Us, and gets great reviews from my friend's toddler. You can find Earth's Best close to you using their store locator.

Baby Gear - Take-Along Tether

5 stars! The best piece of baby gear you won't find in a store, the Take-Along Tether is something only a mother could invent.

The Baboo isn't old enough to really throw his stuffed monkeys and plastic car keys to the floor, but he does fumble now and then, and this fabric covered elastic invention keeps them from hitting the ground or getting lost in the car. It can accommodate all kinds of sizes and shapes, from a teething ring to a feeding spoon and so far the quality has held up great. I haven't come across anything yet that this thing can't hold on to. We have one attached to the Baboo's car seat and another to his stroller. When he drops his toy from his hand, it is such a relief not to have to find it on the car floor while he screams.

The Take-Along Tether is available at a few retailers in Florida, Georgia and California, but I suggest you buy online; the site is pay pal enabled. We met the inventor, Jennifer Spencer, at a baby fair in Grapevine, TX. She was nice as could be and is thrilled to have created a product that makes a mom's life easier. I could tell she was recommending it to us not to make a sale, but as a genuine one-parent-to-another recommendation. To put a spin on the old adage, this invention is a mother's necessity.

Act One - Cue Baby

The Kennedy Center, last Saturday night. Cue the lights at the Family Theater. A young man in an untucked dress shirt and jeans sits at on a stool on an empty stage. His name is Josh Lefkowitz, and he writes and performs monologues about life, love, poetry, and other such things.

This show is called Now What? and Josh is giving us a sneak preview before his world premiere next month. Taking a draw of water from the glass next to him, he refills the glass from the pitcher, sets them both on the tabe next to the stool, and begins his monologue.

He is talking about the relationship between his life and his writing and how, because his writing and performing is autobiographical in nature, he is often confronted with the tension between living in the moment and chronicling life events for use as "material." His monologue goes something like this: "As I gaze into Annika's eyes, eating the slize of pizza, feeling that things were Perfect, a voice is whispering in the back of my head, over and over, and it's saying... "

"BWAAAAAAAH!" screams the Baboo. Yes, my Baboo. My Baboo who had been silent all day.

But of course Josh's inner voice was not saying BWAAAAAAH. It was saying "Maybe you should write about this." Which makes alot more sense, if you think about it.

Josh Lefkowitz took a bow and playfully(?) said "Good night, thank you for coming!" and pretended(?) to exit the stage. Muslim Dad, who had the Baboo strapped to his chest in a Baby Bjorn really did exit, and walked around outside the theater for the remainder of the show. In the Baboo's defense, it was his first monologue.

When I was pregnant, several moms mentioned to me that I should go see a movie or two because it would be my last visit to the movies for many months if not years. Why didn't I realize this advice applied to all the performing arts? A lesson not soon forgotten.

Book Review - What to Expect When You're Expecting

Don't be fooled by the zen soccer-mom-in-waiting in the fuzzy yellow sweater looking up from her rocking chair on the cover of this book - this is NOT "The pregnancy guide that reassuringly answers the concerns of mothers- and fathers-to-be..." Yes, it is probably the best-selling pregnancy guide ever, and yes, millions and millions of copies have been sold, and yes, you're probably going to go out and buy it despite this review, but that's just the madness isn't it?

The problem with this guide is that it's not reassuring at all. It's information overload. At first, I read and re-read this book every night with great care, careful to read the chapter that related to my week of pregnancy, to review the week before, and preview the week to come. By the middle of pregnancy, I was using it as a reference guide, which was a much saner approach. (I suggest having a friend RIP OUT the labor and delivery chapters - they are frightening and completely exaggerated-- especially if you're planning to have an epidural.)

That brings us to the enduring criticism of this book - and it's become a popular book to slam: it is too clinical and too focused on symptoms, unlikely diseases, and things that you should not do/eat (which can be scary if you read about it after the doing/eating that is restricted). This criticism is true. I would just caution you not to dwell too long on the different restrictions and diseases described in the book. Read enough to satisfy yourself that you know what's normal and what's not, and then let your instincts be your guide. They said in my labor class that knowledge overcomes fear, and while that's B.S. when it comes to delivery, I think in the case of pregnancy, it's a good principle.

(All of the important you really need to know can be found at babycenter.com. I highly encourage you to sign up for their weekly updates, which continue after the baby is born. I'll write a review of babycenter.com in another post.)

As a new parent -and you start acting and thinking like a new parents from the moment you learn you are pregnant- you err on the side of caution. No blue cheese, no fast driving, no caffeine, no concerts (secondhand smoke), no unnecessary risks.

Oh - um - most of those "don'ts" in the last paragraph are things that I learned in from this book. To its credit, it does offer comprehensive guide of what's permitted during pregnancy and what's not, and it also has a fantastic week by week description of your fetus' development. It has a diet plan, an exercise plan, and a whole lot more useless information, which you can skip over as long as you get the general idea: eat well and exercise.

If you really need hand-holding to understand your emotions during pregnancy or cope with frequent urination, then I guess this will guide will be a great companion for you. If, on the other hand, you kind of already knew that pregnancy would make you tearful, and that the key to handling frequent urges is to go to the bathroom more often, you'll probably do just fine without this book.

Welcome!

Welcome! or, The Birth of this Blog

I was surprised that I could not find more resources for new Muslim Moms online, so I decided to create my own. As the proud parent of a new son, we have lots of questions, a few answers, and a desire to connect with other parents, Muslim and non-Muslim, trying to raise their children to be healthy and happy human beings.

As our baby boy (the Baboo) becomes a big boy, I - with the everpresent input from Muslim Dad, my husband - will cover the ups and downs, the good, the bad, and the poopy.

Of course, there's always the chance that I might just decide to rant on the headlines of the day...