The Inverse Power of Praise

This article in New York Magazine called "The Inverse Power of Praise" should be required reading for parents and teachers. A group of studies found that students who are praised for being intelligent tend to quit whenever things get tough, whereas students who are praised for their effort become more persistent when faced with difficult challenges.

At first it seems like a small difference, to say "You really worked hard at this!" vs. "You're so smart!" but the effects of praising a child's intelligence and pegging him as a "smart kid" actually holds him back from acheiving his true potential.

As an aside, why don't we focus on well-rounded, emotionally and physically healthy kids? Grades are not the beginning and the end of a child's world and self-worth. Well-rounded to South Asian parents means that your child is the spelling bee champion, science fair winner AND a math whiz. Sports and scouting are of limited value, and even a negative value to given to drama, music, art, and various after-school clubs. In our South Asian community, the problem is just as pronounced, if not worse, than in others. Desi parents want their children to be brainiacs. They expect (demand?) that their child a star student.

We all want our children to feel well, to be well, and to do well in life. We spend alot of time participating in their education, choosing the school, providing the right structure at home, encouraging htem to seek out new and different opportunities, because we want them to succeed at whatever it is they want to do in life. But by praising them as gifted, as super-smart, above their peers, A+, etc., we are setting them up for an eventual crisis in confidence and lack of stick-to-it-tiveness that is really the measure of one's character.

Milestones part 1

I realized I better start writing this down before I forget completely

Rolled over/sat up - 5 months (I think... I really can't remember.)

Army crawled on this tummy - 8 months

Crawled like a "normal" baby - 11 months

Said hot, up, mama, bacaca (broccoli), PUCKABOO- started at 11 months, continued for about 90 days straight

Asks for Coco - every day starting at about 12 months

Said "Papa" when I pointed to Muslim Dad - April 12

Bear crawled - 13 months

Took a few steps at random - 14 months

By 14 months, he has added to his vocabulary: park, car, down, vakoooom, batoooom, corn, mamoo, oma(r), bath, abar (as in Allahu Akbar), and go

Book Review - Baby 411

In contrast to my earlier review of "What to Expect When You're Expecting", I can't find enough praise for "Baby 411." This book is like having an experienced mom willing to share her secrets and frankly discussing the good, the bad, and the ugly.

For example, lately (like since the Baboo was 3 months old till now) I've been reading everything I can get my hands on relating to How to Get Baby to Sleep. There's 5 methods and most articles objectively present the advantages and disadvantages of each method, leaving it to you, the parent, to figure out which is best for your child.

I guess this is a reasonable approach, but... come on, I've never done this before, and now I'm being asked to choose among 5 doctor-approved methods, all of which are proven to work. Baby 411 condenses the baby sleep information into one chart and then -and this is key - tells you which one to choose. At last. Simple directions.

I think embracing this book is a turning point in my attitude towards parenting: I don't need to be perfect. I don't need to do all the research, ask friends and other parents for advice, check my internet sources, and then implement the correct most up-to-date organic no lead no plastic no TV educational developmentally superior environment for my child. Sure I would if I had unlimited time and energy. But I don't. I just want some sleep.

Of course if that was really true, I would stop reading all these parenting books. But we both know that isn't going to happen.